Amazon.sg:Customer reviews: How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

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pinkclarko

Didn't work for me

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 23 March 2019

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So far this book has not really been much help, but perhaps it's not useful for those with a three year old. Have you ever tried achnowledgibg a toddlers feelings when they're mid meltdown? Or even in the build up, they're not interested. Found myself rather hamstrung thinking of all the stuff I'm NOT meant to say and none of the examples given ever seemed appropriate. May work for others though, who knows

20 people found this helpful

cannylass

Too American

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 7 November 2019

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I bought this for my daughter to use in relation to our grandchild. However when I read it there were too many American phrases so it did not feel relevant to an English/British situation. Probably wonderful for the US market!

4 people found this helpful

J.H. Toronto, Ontario

What the authors don't want you to know...

Reviewed in Canada on 27 April 2022

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Want your kids to listen to you....read below...these Authors are very destructive in their thinking that a child can be controlled in the ways they suggest without mentioning anything about the fact that it is proven science that the food parents feed their kids is the biggest factor in the child behavour and the way their brain develops. They just want parents to keep blaming the child and getting parents to rethink their parenting strategies at every turn to adapt to behavour that will not change if the child is being fed sugar, boxed food like cereals, cookies, crackers, pasta (even gluten free foods)...anything that comes in a package basically. Some kids have behavour issues due to being fed gluten, even if it is organic sourdough, or peanut butter despite no outward allergy, or too much spinach due to oxalate sensitivity as examples. Please parents....do not take your kids to a nice ice cream shoppe outing and then get super upset at your child when 20-30mns later the child starts to have major tantrums or won't listen or is running all over the place. If you kids are having behavour issues and even social issues at school it can very well be what you are feeding them or what they are choosing to eat. Making sure this type of food isn't even in the house (as per all Family Doctor recommendations), so that kids do not even have access to it and focusing on meats and veggies. even too much fruit can cause reactions in some. some kids can have one apple, a banana, a half a cup of blueberries, a handful of strawberries and a bowl full of watermelon a day and parents think it is a good thing. Some fruit is good. like 1 cup or less a day due to the sugar, but most kids can't do well on a ton of fruit either. As much as it pains some people to hear it, your Mother was right when she said to eat you meat and veggies. If your kids are struggling to get off the sugar (i know how hard it is), then try feeding them things like avocado or coconut oil / coconut shredded with cacao (basically cocoa with high nutrient value) type snacks that can be found on the internet (google high good fats snacks for kids without sugar substitutes). (Sugar substitutes can be very bad for kids...there are groups and websites for sugar free kids that suggest Stevia which is an endocrine disruptor (basically inflammatory and can trigger an underlying conditon) or Lankanto Monk Fruit which is a cleaver marketing/package design to make people believe it is natural and just contains Monk fruit, when it contains 95% sugar alcohol and sugar alcohols have been know to cause and increase gut inflammation which contributes to more leaky gut. So please be super away of these. Coconut sugar or Maple syrup is the best substitutes, but again it is best to not substitute as the goal is to get them off sugar and carbs) Slowly the diet will help change their cravings and their moods and their listening factor and sleeping habits as well. Everyone will be happier all around. Food is medicine. You want your kids to behave well as best at they are capable and to listen....have them eat their meat and veggies. it may be tough now but think of how much tougher it is to get them to listen and the pain it causes everyone. Being a parent isn't easy, but to lower the pain and potential future medical bills from a poor diet, please focus on the basics. Food doesn't need to be like a restaurant or creative. A plate of chicken thighs and a side of peas with real butter is all that is needed as an example. Or a small steak with some roasted asparagus. that's it. nothing fancy. Good luck parents. You know there is a problem if you join a facebook group and they refuse to acknowledge a proper food lifestyle as the key factor in behavour issues.

Lynn

Missing pages

Reviewed in Canada on 13 January 2021

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I received this book and jumped right into reading it, highlighting pertinent information. After finishing reading page 12 and flipped to continue reading only to find pages 13 and 14 blank. I quickly flipped through the balance of the book only to find that there are a number of blank pages where there should be text. I’m so disappointed. I’m now in the process of shipping the book back, at my expense, and reordering it in hopes that the next copy doesn’t have the same print quality problem.

Reviewer83

New book in poor condition

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 11 July 2018

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I bought a new version of this book but it arrived in poor condition. The edges haven’t been cut properly and are very uneven.

3 people found this helpful

Indijone

Tantamount to Abuse

Reviewed in the United States on 12 August 2020

Verified Purchase

This is such a horrible book I don't know where to start. It's all of what's wrong in the world but I'll only highlight a few things. Don't buy it, here's the gist: if manipulating a child doesn't work, you can yell at them (you can fix it later). P.s. you will be exhausted every single day from your mental gymnastics and you will have never taught your child *any*thing except for how to rule your own household.

I believe the only part of this book that can help people is addressing acknowledgment of feelings and how to praise children the right way. But even there, they don't allow you to let the child tell you how they are feeling, you have to impress your opinions on how they must be feeling on them. Right away. With emotion. The rest of the book follows suit with the authors impressing their personality and viewpoint on every child that ever existed. E.g. You can't tell/ask a child to pick up the blocks, because they (like all of us, they literally say) immediately won't want to and want to defy you- this thinking is the direct result of the poor parenting the authors had as children.

The authors clearly were never given boundaries as children and have no idea how to give boundaries as adults. They want to avoid confrontation at all costs, unless they have reached the tipping point in their own anger. They continually intreat you to treat children as adults and then tell you are wrong for doing so. (Spoiler alert- kids aren't adults, their brains are physically not the same)

Then at the end of the book, they say it doesn't work anyway, that children do in fact need boundaries and thrive under them. Problem is, they are either too lazy or too non-confrontational to give them consistently to their children. P.s. they say 'punishments' should only be reserved for instances where there could be physical harm unless action is taken.

It is extremely upsetting to me that anyone would think this kind of parenting is good or even ok. It is a mentally and emotionally abusive environment to put a child in. One where children always have to guess what it is you want (authors suggest yelling one word if you want a child to do something, i.e. frantically figure out what in the world mom wants before she starts yelling and saying "mom is in a hitting mood, you better leave". Such as CRUMBS!), where there is no safety in boundaries, no consistency in parenting or parental moods, where their parents do not take any authority or provide loving consequences for defiance, where they never know if mom or dad will blow up in anger out of the blue (if you didn't catch their hints or manipulation right at the beginning that is the result), where parents think it's OK to yell at you (kids are forgiving! Fix it later! No harm done!), and where you may have to be scared of physical abuse (because parents can't say what they want until they are very angry or someone is about to get hurt).

Kids are smart. They know you are manipulating them. They don't like it. They are seeking safety! Boundaries! Parents who give them a social world that is consistent with their physical world- a world which gives consequences (not yelling, not mean, not angry, not over the top) the first time, every time boundaries are pushed. When they find this, it gives them a sense of security in the world, physical and social. You wonder why every single one of the people in the focus group had very "shy" children? Because they Do. Not. Feel. Safe. Unless they are with their parents, who they can expertly manipulate right back, they do not understand the world. When will that adult blow up? How far can I push their boundaries? What are the rules in this environment? Am I in charge here like I am at home? What happens if I can't decode what they want? I don't know how to follow rules and directions, is that going to be expected of me? Good luck sending them to school or another environment where boundaries are expected to be followed (i.e. life).

A final thought- children need to be trained how to think and feel. If you encourage and coddle their natural rage and mean thoughts ("I want to chop up my baby sister") beyond acknowledgment, guess what? That's what you'll grow in them. You have a direct responsibility to help develop their thought patterns and habits. Do you really want to water those seeds of hate?

In summary, acknowledge feelings- of yourself and your kids. The other parenting tactics in this book may have some practical benefit on occasion, but the philosophy behind them produces scared, defiant, unruly, cunning, and socially/mentally/emotionally handicapped kids.

25 people found this helpful

FlashLight

Buy Parent Effectiveness Training and enjoy and love your family instead

Reviewed in the United States on 30 April 2020

Verified Purchase

**EDIT** I now think Parent Effectiveness Training is better for the whole household. Time outs sort of work but they put you on opposing teams. PET does not, all on the same team. Also works at work and in your other relationships. It’s basically win-win negotiation! **

Opt for research-based 1-2-3 Magic (which is humane, time out based and motivation based practical philosophy) instead. It has three parts: time outs (punishment), Start strategies (motivation), and having fun together (bonding). I read a review that suggested this book is helpful for listening strategies.

Honestly, it’s a collection of anecdotes gathered from weekly consultant sessions the authors ran. They talk about making their children make art in order to have a story for that week’s class. Also that when it comes to the heartfelt topic of sleep, there is no ideas or research behind this chapter - it’s the gathered anecdotes of several parents attending her paid class. The sleep ideas themselves are often unreasonable - they involve long, long routines which are the hours we all hope to spend enjoying each other’s time, not belly crawling like Spider-Man out of a toddler’s room.

As I read, I considered a recent research review in The Atlantic, in which “accommodation behaviours” in parents turn out to be a major source of influence in child behaviours. We make them more antisocial when we accommodate their selfishness or violence; we do not thereby show them how to be more social if we accommodate (excuse or otherwise support) those behaviours.

The idea of listening is a powerful one - of course we should listen to our kids and open ourselves to their emotional life and points of view. Where I find this frankly crackers is the emphasis on accommodating every behaviour and feeling. If your child bites or hits another In close play at the park, take them away to another part of the park to play with a ball and telling them “we just need space so we don’t run into other people”. If they lie, offer them the opportunity to lie less by telling them you already found the candy wrappers. This seems to avoid ever telling them they did something unacceptable and even wrong.

A few things came out as positive to me:
- Wish lists, where instead of buying toys or random stuff in the museum gift shop, you take pen and paper so the kids write down what they want, subverting the need to buy now.
- Praise by describing what they did and/or how it affected others - not good/bad child dichotomy.
- Be playful. Don’t escalate negative emotions or situations, defuse them. Though another chapter then delves into yelling and getting angry with them on the regular, so - that’s a wash.

The overall strategy is well-meant but not founded in coherent thought, nor research. I found myself getting cross as I read it. It’s not even interesting as an anthropological arrogant of California parenting.

16 people found this helpful

Customer

NOT A GUIDE

Reviewed in the United States on 21 February 2022

Verified Purchase

This is not a "guide" by any stretch of the imagination. It is 400 pages of dry anecdotal stories from random parents about their kids. What parent has several hours to sit around and read pointless "feelings workshop"-type journal entries about the same problems they are having? I don't want to read Kathy's story about her kid pinching his brother in 1979, and how it made her feel, and how she sat in the bathroom for two hours so she wouldn't yell, and oh, Craig Somebody went through the same thing. I wanted a to-the-point "here's what to do/say in this situation, and this one." I'm so tired of books like this that are 99% filler and no substance. They are just as bad as those online recipes where you have to scroll through the authors life story to get to the baked chicken recipe - only here, there's no recipe at the bottom - no GOOD advice - like, give a child multiple options for even the tiniest decision you want them to make (overwhelming much?), or yell a single word in their face like they're a dog if that doesn't work, emotionally manipulate them into feeling how you want them to feel, etc. Miracle to some, I'm sure, but a useless book to me!

One person found this helpful

Margaret

Thought there would be more tools

Reviewed in the United States on 8 April 2022

Verified Purchase

I was recommended this book and didn’t find it helpful. I have a high energy toddler. There’s story after story, which are too long and seem like filler. I was looking for actionable insights beyond asking about feelings. I thought I’d give it another shot when my toddler absolutely refused to listen or talk. So I pulled out the book, there isn’t even a chapter on the topic. Seems all very theoretical when I need real tactics to improve my parenting.

Maddi Gonzales

Exactly the same

Reviewed in the United States on 22 February 2022

Verified Purchase

Bought this to try and expand on the original concepts in ‘How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk’.. But I’m reality it’s just a word for word copy with maybe two points of difference..

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